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Deus: "Crimson Black Knight"  Finished Z0wCCXI


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    Deus: "Crimson Black Knight" Finished

    Voxel
    Voxel

    Deus: "Crimson Black Knight"  Finished ODFYPdI

    Posts : 23
    Join date : 2015-10-05

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    Post by Voxel Wed Oct 07, 2015 3:07 am




    Deus-Valentinez Jahmonayshia Kaiser III







    Name: Deus-Valentinez Jahmonayshia Kaiser III
    Nickname: Val, Jahmona, Kai, The Crimson Black Knight, Black Armor Warrior
    Age: 1,994
    Species: Human
    Species Ability/Perk:

    • Ageless: Deus is a person who is unable to die by old age, being stricken with this curse due to a defeat in a dual some few thousand years ago. He was dealt with a curse, the "Curse of the Longevity", done to him by a halve demon. One who nearly killed him in battle, due to this curse, he has lived for nearly two-thousand years. (Deus is not immortal, just to clarify. He can die in battle, just not to old age.)

    • Anti-Gravitation: Deus throughout his life, has been to many places, spoken to many people and aided them in any means he can. Through his kindness, he was granted a special gift to be able to walk on any surface. As well as defy the laws of gravity, he was given this by a blind gypsy whom he helped get to a camp which she called home.

      She, when he aided her; placed a sort of rune inside his body which granted him the power to defy gravity and walk on any surface without being removable. The only downside to this it he is limited on where he goes and how long he can use it. Being that he can only walk on a surface for 3 minutes (posts) and has a wait time of 5 minutes (posts) before he can use it again.

      He also is restricted to what he can walk on and where he can go to, if there is no solid or even semi-solid location at least 10 feet before him, he can't leave the spot he is on. And through training he can gain more time to stay like this, for ever two ranks he gains he can retain one extra minute (post) on the wall. While this also will cause an extra one minute (post) for his recharge to occur.

      (Deus can walk along walls, ceilings, even water, this also means that he can glide through the air so long as there is a solid or semi-solid object where he jumps to. If there isn't he is stuck on the object till he can touch something else, as such he mush have something that is at least 10 feet or less above his head, to his sides or at least in his eyesight.)

      D-rank thru C-rank
      - Effect time: 3 posts
      - Refresh rate: 5 posts

      B Rank thru A Rank
      - Effect time: 4 posts
      - Refresh rate: 6 posts

      S Rank thru SS Rank
      - Effect time: 5 posts
      - Refresh rate: 7 posts


    Special/Unique Characteristics:

    • Red Hair: Deus unlike most people was born with a striking hair colour, being that he got this from his mother's side of the family. His hair colour is a vivid crimson red colour very similar to the colour of blood.

    • Vocal tone: Despite his young look, Deus has a rather majestic tone of voice, being a subtle deep tone when say certain words. Such as "Hello", "How are you?", any thing that has the letter "H" in it will cause his voice to deepen. This also occurs when he is extremely relax, but when his voice is not saying words with "H" in them. It us usual a light yet elegant manner that holds the deeper tone in it, only at certain time.





    + Personality: A calm, cool, and level headed fellow, one who tried to think before acting and tends to avoid conflict when possible. He tends to try and negotiate with whomever he is have resisting conflicts with and will try to find middle grounds. But when pushed he won't be afraid to fight when negotiations are out of the question, and will fight whomever is in his way. He tends to be somewhat reckless as well when it comes to combat, taking chances that tend to conflict with his usual way of thinking. Mostly this involves taking combat to higher grounds, to a place where his opponent has little space to move.

    But for the most part he tends to play it safe, following a guideline of taking the first strike when provoked. Now not the confuse this with him being afraid to fight, he doesn't fear a good battle from time to time, but there are certain times and places for battles, and he tends to try and place those events in accordingly, and not in every place he goes. He tends to speak freely and won't hesitate to tell you what is on his mind, he has a high self conscience about his ideals and if one person neglects to follow them he feels offended, all he will ask from people is to treat him like they would be treated, and never disrespect him.

    Deus, though distributing these traits to resist showing emotions, has shown to hold a short temper. When such incident occurs Deus will show signs of agitations and usually, afterwards, if provoked beyond safe zone knowledge will result in violent incidents. He has a soft spot for animals, and children and when having a chance will play with them both. He has been noted to have a strong sense of being what one calls a "father figure" and will always protect the children above all else. Deus often as well being a protective person, not just to children and animals but to his allies friends and people he does not know.

    He believes that all people should be treated equal, and if they are given a chance they can change. He is often noted to be naive as well when it comes to meeting new people, though if he picks up on something he finds out of place. He then will switch his mind to a more judging one, he;s mostly a laid back fellow who always seems to be in a positive mood, and can have a good time. Letting out a good laugh and being generally friendly to anyone he knows, as well as people he may not know. Normally he is in the taverns or places people like to be at, and will always try to make the day better with a smile and a chuckle.


    But mostly the one thing that stands out mostly about Deus is that he is a people person, and will be seen conversing with people he meets. Whether it is in the market, the road or in a place that would not be seen normally people would venture. He is a tactful person when coming to a good old fashion conversation and take great joy in hearing peoples stories and past, as well as understanding others. But despite this, he does enjoy himself and indulge in the finer things in life, he does enjoy fine food, people and indulge in various other manners.

    Though he prefers to keep those situations brief, and rarely ever tries to take a woman into bed, though he is a flirtatious person. Just because he wished not to woo a woman, and bed her for the night, doesn't mean he won't try to get close to her. He isn't naturally lustful and tends to be a romancer of sorts, he compliments them and always tries to stay on their good side. All in all, Deus is a person who is full of surprises and will often be a great ally to anyone who wins him over. Deus also contribute high levels of intelligence to most situations. He is able to solve most simple to secondary level advance conundrums such as college level math equations.

    His ability to solve such problems reveals that Deus can construct not only solutions to almost any task put before him, even if it takes him time to solve it. But also be able too generate simple to complex plans, and strategies. This also can be shown through conversations that have been seen, his way with words is beyond most people abilities due to his past. With such information placed in records, shows that Deus is a excellent negotiator and is able to speak to people down on a level that is not normal for someone that appears of his age

    In combat Deus is different, though he tends to be honorable and respectful in battle, when provoked he tends to take the first strike and will fight whomever is in his way, he tends to be somewhat reckless as well when it comes to combat, taking chances that tend to conflict with his usual way of thinking. Mostly this involves taking combat to higher grounds, he also tends to go for weak points in this targets body, striking points that would cripple his opponent.

    He always is looking for positions to place his opponent in a almost submitting spot, when he has crippled his foe, either though a non-lethal to lethal blow, he will give them two choice if not three. Either to submit to him, and retreat, and if they refuse to stay and be left to the environments. If they continue to refuse that and attack him he will force them into a near death state or even a death state. Deus wishes not to do such but if ever pushed to that point he won't be afraid to end a life.

    This also can be triggered if his opponent strikes a blow to anyone close to him, as stated he is a protective person. And when someone close to him that he cares for is harmed. Deus will enter a state of mind where he will enter a primal state. While still being able to make major decisions that don't endanger his comrades or allies, he will let his emotions run free. Take control of him, as well as let his bodies natural chemicals rush through him, letting the adrenaline take him over as well. This though makes him even more reckless and such will also cause him to be unpredictable. Causing him to be a potent foe who could be quite a challenge.  

    Likes:
    - Quite: It has been stated many times by Deus that he prefer's silence over anything and requires this from time to time. For his tasks that he performs allow him to stay in a stable state of mind, such as reading, writing, solving riddles, puzzles and various other brain teasing activities, or even meditating.

    - Mediation: Deus is one person that prefer to do much meditation, though it maybe through his constant use of it for his anger issues. It has shown to provide a extremely higher percentage of agitations to not occur, and as such is constantly found in the Lotus position.

    - Conversing: Deus has shown high enjoyment in striking up a conversation with any person that he comes across. To him, talking to people not only places him into a calm state of mind, but also allows him to learn from others. Hear about their stories and past events that have occurred to them.

    Dislikes:
    - Rudeness: Deus has shown a high distaste to others not showing the same respect that he would provide to them. When such action has occurred to him a series of warnings, before his tone converts to a rather undelightful on. Such time when this occurs, his way of speech alters to a more agitated and annoyed tone which can be heard from his voice.

    - Meditation Disturbance: On many occasions has it been announced by Deus that he would prefer if people wouldn't disrupt his time when he is meditating. Loud noises don't break him out of his trances, but when people touch him or talk to him directly is when he considers it a disruption.

    - Buzz Kill: Though not the literal buzz from drinking too much alcohol, but the vibe one gets from a good time with people you enjoy. And times that you have fun in, Deus hates when a good thing go sour and ends up being canceled or bummed down. If his buzz is killed while he is having fun with guidemate or people he is with he will let you know.

    Fears:
    - Tight Spaces: Deus prefers that his body not be restricted to confined spaces that do not provide ample amount of movement. He prefers that his body have room to move freely, for he doesn't mind hugging or holding someone in his arms. He just can't stand being forced to stay in one spot for far too long.

    - Death by falling: Despite his constant movements using his ability to walk to heights most people would call crazy or idiotic. Deus has never once had a fear of heights, but falling to his death from heights is one he has, despite his love for using his power. He doesn't care for the thought of dying from his power failing at a wrong moment.

    - Gravity: Deus has said even if through a certain dialogue phrase has hated when gravity doesn't work in his favor. He most often says this when his time in his anti-gravitational movement fades off, and he crashes into the ground. Or into water, usually through him saying that his "Bloody Power won't work." This is usually a indication that he hates it when his ability to walk walls goes away. And also dreds to idea of his death from this vary law of physics that he can defy.

    Motivations/Goals:
    - Good Times (Motivation): Nothing like a good time can cause Deus to shout to the top of his lungs with excitement. If there is a party with lots of people and fun times, Deus is the one person to jump at the thought of it all. As he will be the one to keep the party lively, and all the more fun to be at.

    - Normal Life (Goal): Even though living for almost two thousand years would sound like a blessing, Deus wishes not for this to occur anymore. All he wants is to live like a normal human, age like regular people, and dye like one, especially in the arms of someone he loves.

    - Love (Goal): Despite living for so long, and the countless times his heart has feel in love, and broken, Deus keeps on looking for it. Even it it may end in the death of his lover, Deus wants nothing more than to love, and to be loved from people around him, as well as that significant other.





    Hair: Crimson Red
    Eyes: Blue
    Skin Tone: Peach Tan
    Height: 1.92 meters
    Weight: 82.5 kilograms
    Overall Appearances: Deus stands at six foot three inches, and retains a constant weight of one-hundred and ninety five pounds. His body tone is a slight tan body, that holds a strong muscular structure. His age is that of a young aged looking man with a strong rugged yet pleasant male form. His broad jawline, high cheekbones with a pair of full lips to compliment his broad chin and slender narrow nose. While his face alone is attractive, his upper lip, chin and jawline hold thin rugged short red beard that appear as stubble facial hair. Though without sideburns, while his hair is a long crimson red hair that is tied as a loose ponytail with a black hairband. While his hair is pulled back this allows for his broad eyebrows to show off his set of blue eyes.


    Rank: D-rank
    Guild: Dragon Heart
    Guild Tattoo Crimson Red, located on his right hand; upon the foreskin.



    "Crimson Black Knight"





    Last edited by Deus on Sun Oct 11, 2015 4:49 pm; edited 13 times in total
    Mizuko
    Mizuko

    Deus: "Crimson Black Knight"  Finished N51AM3g

    Posts : 300
    Join date : 2015-09-07

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    Post by Mizuko Wed Oct 07, 2015 11:23 am

    Okay, so first things first, <3 the music. Here's what you need to fix:

    Your second perk is a bit long of a duration and cooldown for a D-Rank mage. Try lowering it a bit and then bumping it up when you rank up.

    The Cybernetic Eyes, Environmental Activated Reflection Shields, are technically a perk, and cannot be placed in the section they are in. Remember though, you can only have 2 perks.

    The Addendum thing. Those aren't technically likes or dislikes. The description behind them is, but the words themselves I know are probably game jargon, but people coming to want to look at your app to get an idea of your character will get confused.

    Dying is a fear everybody has. Can you do something more solid than that?

    That's all! ^.^

    Voxel
    Voxel

    Deus: "Crimson Black Knight"  Finished ODFYPdI

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    Post by Voxel Fri Oct 09, 2015 1:25 am

    Le Bump.
    Mizuko
    Mizuko

    Deus: "Crimson Black Knight"  Finished N51AM3g

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    Join date : 2015-09-07

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    Post by Mizuko Fri Oct 09, 2015 10:18 pm

    Okay, a few more:

    Your age needs to be within human bounds unless you want immortality as a perk, or your species has a natural affinity towards it. As you are an affected human, you can't claim the latter, so it would have to be the former.

    For your first perk, you need a duration. You can't simply go without one. What do the wings look like? As well as this, 40 miles per hour is high for a D-Rank mage.

    As for the second perk, what happens to the objects when he isn't taking them in his body, but alters them anyway? And, keep in mind, you can never alter PCs, as that is godmodding. Also, if you plan to be able to alter NPCs later, you'll need a set rank at which you can do this, and more information on that part of it. Your increase of health is too high, as you'd increase 35% of health in one go at X rank, which is ridiculous. As well as this, the healing needs a solid cooldown. Time is very liquid-like in RP zone, so you could easily cheat this by saying 10 minutes went by at any time. Please use a post count.

    Your personality has no clear definition between in battle and out of battle. Also, your word count is 280. You need 350 for it to be acceptable.

    Also, please change the topic title to a readable color.
    Voxel
    Voxel

    Deus: "Crimson Black Knight"  Finished ODFYPdI

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    Post by Voxel Sat Oct 10, 2015 11:59 pm

    Deux Le Bump
    Mizuko
    Mizuko

    Deus: "Crimson Black Knight"  Finished N51AM3g

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    Post by Mizuko Sun Oct 11, 2015 10:32 am

    Okay, I'm a bit confused about the jumping thing. Is there a certain distance the object had to be if he is jumping to it? And if it's outside that distance, he's stuck walking?

    And, I said last time as well, but please change your topic color to something readable.

    That's the last bit, and then you're home free ^.^
    Voxel
    Voxel

    Deus: "Crimson Black Knight"  Finished ODFYPdI

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    Post by Voxel Sun Oct 11, 2015 4:41 pm

    Trois Le Bump
    Mizuko
    Mizuko

    Deus: "Crimson Black Knight"  Finished N51AM3g

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    Post by Mizuko Sun Oct 11, 2015 5:35 pm

    This is all good now ^.^ Make sure not to abuse the anti-gravity ability, or it'll have to be revoked, okay?

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